‘My feelings are valid because I have trauma’ …
‘My feelings are valid because I have trauma’ … can we get therapists to elaborate to their clients as to why valid feelings don’t excuse their poor behavior?
It’s one thing to know you’re acting a certain way because of past trauma but to take it out on ‘someone you love’ - yeah that’s not okay.
You have trust issues? Fair, I get it, but that doesn’t mean you lose it on your significant other because they didn’t text you back today while working. Maybe it happens time to time but why aren’t we teaching people how to cope and grow?
Therapists, please teach your clients how to talk themselves out of the irrational thoughts they have about not being loved or wanted by their significant other just because they’re busy. Teach them how to stop the anxiety and not ruin something good because they don’t know how to control themselves and think valid feelings means ‘not texting’ back is unacceptable.
We need to stop creating soft humans.
Life is hard build yourself some thick skin and learn to cope with reality and not live in anxiety world.
I’ve had sever anxiety, I get it but if I were to use that as an excuse to lose my shit on my significant other I was trying to start a relationship with and build a life with because I was anxious instead of actually learning to trust someone and give them time and space, my life would be very different right now. I probably wouldn’t be in my relationship.
Allowing someone the freedom to show you they are good is a huge process but part of it is teaching yourself to trust and if you never learn to do that all your relationships will be the same.
Learn to trust that your person is busy- especially if they’ve never given you a reason to not trust them then give them some grace!
TEACH YOURSELF how to not send 20 texts back to back to back or all day because you’re spiraling. Don’t make up ‘seemingly important’ texts because guess what … you’re going to make it worse when they don’t respond to you …
THEY ARE BUSY, NOT IGNORING YOU. THEY CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU & MAYBE EVEN ORDERED A PIZZA ON THEIR WAY HOME TO SHARE WITH YOU BECAUSE THEY CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU AND TALK TO YOU
Want to ruin that? Lose your shit, freak out over made up thoughts, get mad, show them you don’t trust them & make them feel like shit. Watch your relationship fail, quickly.
If you’re acting crazy they’re not going to want to be around you because it’s been a long day and can’t deal with you. (You can’t even deal with you!) then boom guess what, you’re back in trauma land, someone else left you but it’s not their fault, it’s yours, YOU NEED TO LEARN COPING SKILLS. Practice trusting someone, ask your therapist for some ways to challenge yourself in trust exercises. If you don’t and someone just says ‘your feelings are valid’ you’ll keep going in this terrible circle of trauma.
I hope you get the help you need & not a soft therapist who doesn’t actually help you.
Sincerely a friend who cares, XO
